Kinda Feels Like Slamming Your Dick in a Door

Monday... ugh!! I know everyone says they hate Monday's, but I seriously hate them. To the point of physical pain. Mainly, what I do for a living is such that it tends to insight stress. Now, don't get me wrong, I know there are many, many other jobs that are way more stressful... doctors, air traffic control operators, one-legged prostitutes etc, etc... But, I have the opportunity to get to deal with many "sales" people (sorry if anyone is in sales). I know the art of the sale is delicate. But, is raw stupidity also something necessary in the sales process? Is it really to much to ask that you learn to use you own god damned computer!? So, as I am conditioned to do over years of witnessing this type of behavior I live 8 - 10 hours a day Monday-Friday in a somewhat tense state. Waiting for the next fire to put out or the next question that even a retarded fetus wouldn't ask. The saving grace is that there are a few people in this rather large office building that are worth talking to. So, as I love a good list, here is a list of things I loathe about "sales" people:
1 - retarded. Some so much so that I wonder how the hell they can figure out how to function in the world. I picture most of them talking to clients while drooling on themselves with a load of shit filling their pants.
2 - Seriously... why the fuck wait till the last minute to make a request. Just because you were to busy playing grab ass with your mom shouldn't make an emergency for me (even if their mom is hot)
3 - Dumber then a box of hair (see #1)
4 - Ego, ego, ego... they have heard for so long that everyone should kiss their ring and declare them the saviors of the universe that they cannot understand the word "NO."
5 - Try and remember "sales" dudes.... I fucking out rank you in the eyes of the company. Next time you call and need your ass wiped, think twice dick-hole
6- Just because you have my cell phone number does not imply that you should decide to call me at all hours when you have a "brainstorm." Just because when you looked at the shit stain in your underpants and it gave you the next great idea doesn't mean that I give a fuck
7 - Learn how to reply to an email with "history." I get no fewer then 300 emails daily, so forgive me if I don't recall each and every situation I communicate to you ass-munches via email
8 - Quit telling me "I owe you a beer" after yet another instance of saving your collective asses. First, you will only buy the beer with your business credit card (I can do that, snail trail) and two, you NEVER buy the beer anyhow.
9 - Your "sales" tactics of communication are not exactly Jedi mind tricks. If you ask me about my family etc... I know you are full of shit and are just laying the ground work to ask for a favor.
10 - I see your boss, daily....you might be 5 states away, but I am right here in the home office ... yes - I talk. Recognize, bitch
11 - Realize everyone makes fun of you. Whether it be because you have a profound lisp, you can't create simple sentences, or maybe you like to sleep with fat sows after downing 3 beers.
12 - Pony-up and actually buy a decent blue tooth head-set. Do you realize the piece of shit you are using echos? Of course not
13 - If you leave me a voicemail, don't call me back to see if I got the voicemail. I do have other things to do at work other then spoon feed you!
14 - We all know you don't work 5 days a week. When you "work from home," I know that simply means you are home jerking off to Bob Barker (even though it is "The Most Exciting Hour on TV" still doesn't make it right)
15 - And finally (I could go on, but what's the point)... learn to say Thank You, douche

And there you have it ... if you are reading this and in sales, maybe do some fucking soul searching and come to the realization that no really likes you (your mom told me so)